It's not our turn...

My eldest child is about to turn 8 years old. After him, my middle child is 6 and my youngest is 1. That means that for 8 years, my responsibilities have completely shifted to 3 little humans growing in my body and relying on me to survive in this world. The mental responsibility that comes with being a mother is immense. You’re no longer doing things for yourself; you shift your life to live around the lives of these 3 (in my case) little humans.

When my middle child went to school, I had hours in the mornings to myself and it was really nice to go back to the gym, drink a hot coffee, work freelance or just go back to bed. When my youngest came, I had to do a reset and start all over again. Back to sleepless nights, back to cold coffees, back to crazy hormones, stress, and suddenly not having any time to do daily tasks. It was even more mentally draining the third time around. My responsibilities heightened with each child. Everyone would say “you’re a pro now” but the truth was (my truth) that it was so much lonelier with the third child because absolutely nobody understood how much I was drowning after birth this time. The house couldn’t get cleaned, the laundry loads were high, I couldn’t keep up with cooking 3 meals a day, I was falling behind on my studies; I was so exhausted. The stress probably did numbers on my thyroid levels because my hair was clumping out, my weight fluctuated like crazy, and I had a hair growing on my chin. But nobody knew all these things were happening to my body except me. I was the one who had to look at my body and feel my feelings.

I will tell you one phrase that completely shifted everything and put me in a better mindset. I was scrolling through social media and came across a video with text that spoke about how “it’s not our turn”. Let me quote to you what the video said:

“It’s not our turn to sleep through the night.

It’s not our turn to have a perfect relationship.

It’s not our turn to have date nights and alone time.

It’s not our turn to attend every social event we’re invited to.

It’s not our turn to have a tidy and organised house

They’re going to remember how their childhood made them feel

So let’s give them what they deserve

Which is everything

Everything that we have to give.” [@lifeatbluebell]

It might have been the music or the cute videos, but something shifted completely in my mindset after reading that.

You see, this is what I realised. The problem is that when you are so caught up in stress and responsibilities, it is like walking through a storm. Its loud in your head, there’s so much going on around you that you can hardly see what is right in front of you and you can’t just relax. When you’re in that moment, you struggle to realise that the storm will pass, and you will be able to walk (or sit) in peace again. Heavy on the future tense.

There are indeed days when I am over stimulated, but that phrase has now always stuck in my head; “it’s not our turn”.

It is a reminder to focus on what is right in front of me. It’s also reminder that this is simply a stage in life. A phase. There will come a time when I get hours to myself once they all start school. There will come a time when I can properly go back to work and accomplish my little goals in life but for now this is it. My focus needs to shift from ‘I wish I could just sleep another hour’ to ‘let me wake up, do a morning routine and have the kids wake up to a happy face’. These children literally rely on me for everything to live and it is my time now to be present to do that. I owe it to them to organise my work and my responsibilities properly in a way so that they can grow up in a life that lets them flourish.

So, to any other mamas out there struggling with the load; I hope you first, know that you are not alone. And second, know that this is just a phase in life, so embrace it, own it and cherish it. It's their turn now and ours will come.